hey y'all...well life is just sooo sooo sooo fucked up rite now.....i swear...ARGH..i cant stand it...wow i havent updated in a long time well.....bla..my mom is pissed cuz i have a current B in math....grrr...i mean i can still bring it up but she expects to much from me..she was like...if you miss 1 hw assignment you will be grounded ffor a month...i mean COME ON IM IN 7TH GRADE!!....big life decisions dont start now..so now im crying becausae..i dont even know why...but evverythin is so screwed screwed screwed.........
...oh man!!......gosh i wuz SOOOOOOO happy a few minutes ago...then this just had to make my day...i dont know what to do anymore..i just dont know..i mean the ppl here are nice but they are not exactly ne1 like the ppl in SAS...and my frenz are NOTHING compared to lynn and ashley...woah..now im reali crying.i just cant stand it anymore...im too young to be thinking about problems in my life that dont even need to be thought about untill im atleast 20 or 30 and i dont want to talk to my guidence counselor cuz then shez guna talk to my parents and crap and i just dont want it...and its like wen i go to school im always happy cuz im too scared to say that im sad....how fuckin lame is that... ive always had trouble with talking about my problems and such since i moved to california..i mean i figureed if you tell ppl wats wrong then all they will do is ask more qustions and try to make you all....smiley...and stuff and its like...*coem on i know you dont care* so i keep everything all bundled inside and its too much!!!>..its too GOSH DARN MUCH!!!....and i have no1 to talk to but myself...and im sop miserable i dont eat rite....i dont sleep rite...i cant sleep at all at nights...and im never hungry unlike i was eating 24/7 now im like no im just full.....ARGH...im guna die a young age...preti soon im guna start failing classes...and stuff and for once in my entire life i feel so alone..i mean not lonely b ut completely deserted in my won world and that everything around me is a dead lifeless desert and its weird cuz there use to be all these ppl i could talk to...but now therez no1 to talk to ... i use to ALWAYS want to live in the stgates but i never thought i would be this miserable..i cant recall crying this much be4 i cried myself to sleep 9 nights in a row....and i have a feeling today is number 10 ... one thing that is good is that me and my sister are realoi getting along..i think its because we both need someone rite now...i dont know..im glad we are cool wit each-other... im getting so sick...and so skinny..my bones are practically popping out..well not exactly but...i dont know what is happenening im changing fas and derez no1 there to slow me down...winn, billz i miss you guyz so much you wont believe......in fact i miss everyone so much that its all i can think about....at school whenever im not doing something i start thinking about the good ole dayz in SAS and i start to get sad and then i stop talking and then everyoneez like...rachael whats wrong??...and then i go nothing and i start talking so much....but when they dont see...im reli sad....and i hate being sad because i just hate it so damn much that its eating me inside out eating me alive..and therez.I HATE IT SO MUCH ...WHY ME!~!?!?!?!?!.....I HATE IT I HATE HATE ALL THE HATRED IN THE WORLD CAN NEVER COMPARE TO THE HATING I FEEL SO MUCH...i feel so down so low so unbelieveable dark....and i dont know waht to do....WHAT SHOULD I DO HUH!!.....gosh jus leave me alone....cuz i cant take it no more...its just not working no more...i just dont want it just dont give it to me....why..omg..why...no1 can answer that..why...its like one 3 letter word that no1 understand one 3 letter word that no1 can possibly answer fully...and i just wish someone culd just answer it for me...its thanksgiving then y am i so sad,,,,i dont understand....i dont understand.....i just dont get it not a bit not a tince not at all....
Month: November 2003
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hey!...well today was fun..lol..okay bad bad news...well today i was so siked about telling john i like him rite...and then during third period i realised...HEY I DONT LIKE HIM...well no worries cuz it turned out he didnt even know who i was..*which is technically my fault since i neva talked to him...but its preti dumb since he sat at my table for like 2-3 weeks..*...o well..tomorow im guna tell him that it was me....or ask my frend to point hu *me* is and then im guna tell him i dont like him!....i noe horrible plan..but i gota do something rite!...otherwise i would just be sitting there knowing he neva knew i like him and that he neva new i didnt like after...haha..so stupid..*such a blonde..no offense to smart and dumb blondes out in the world!!*...BLONDE POWER!!...haha..im fine...okay safety percaution...*spelling*...NEVA GO ON SWING SETS THAT ARE NOT PERMANTLY ATTACHED TO THE GROUND....okay those things are so scary!!!..i swear...especially ashley's old compound swing..that is one freaky set...i thought i would die..its tru i screamed like a grl which i am to those of you hu didnt know that.it was scary..then lynn and ashley got mad cuz imkept screaming..atleast i think they did...well i mihgt go to the mall wit my friend on saturday im lookin for another lucki lucki boi!....haha...ne boi is lucki if the chillie got the hotz for him..lol..y are all MOST of the cute american boiz in high school..lol...o well..omg i can ALMOST do the splits in the air*but onli if i jump on the trampoline*...but i cant do it if im on solid ground...but its sooo kew!!...haha...i dont have talent winnie....sheesh shez such a big FAT UGLY liar..haha..im not NOT...talented...well maybe i am but in what??....o well...such low self-esteem i take that bad SOMETIMES i have such low bad self-esteem..i take that back again...im just not too good with compliments..there..wow i just realised how long this is...well atleast it looks long so...well den..i gtg...o by the way i have an ending line thingie...dont laugh..okay here it goes...just me and onli me so deal and fly...chow!
Chillz
p.s: did ya like it??
p.p.s: JP: thatnks for the comment hope the whole death thing comes over you..
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haay y'all...well confession time..*ahem* i stopped believeing in love..*let it sink in ppl!!*...i noe its awful well i wanted to tell y'all im guna do something ive neva dun before im guna tell the person i like..aka: john and tel him that i like him and hopefully it will go up hill and not down...my inspiration goes to breda fernandez *i think thats her name..lol*...well GO HER...cuz she has the fricken guts to tell a guy she likes him...so big applause..lol...sry..well i dont noe wat has gotten into me..i have been way way way to sad if i just sit a think i feel like i will burst out crying cuz i think of the good time then the bad times..and tehn i suk it in cuz i noe im guna haf to explain to everyone y im crying...and ill probably end up using the excuse michele uses with the i poke my eye thing..ya it works..o well...screw the screws...grrr....i gete so mad easily now...and that scares me too cuz im usually not mad like 99.9 percent of the ime but noe its like 90-95 percent of the time....something has come ova me....*sigh* wat will i do..wat will i do1!!.....ahhhh...well i gtg sleep. and wait for tomorow to come and haunt me down no where to run no where to hide just me and onli me so deal and fly...woah...i need help..chow
Chillz
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haay y'all dont owrry my hiar is NOT cut short it is exactly the same except perttier...haha...and i decided to keep it curly because i think it looks prettier on me..dun u think??...good thinking...lol..well im really really hot and tired rite now..mamybe i should take off my jacket..haha..okayi feel a lot better now..omg you know what.. i look so different now...i should sum how find a way to get my school picture posted because i look way way macho way different...lol..my personality stayz the same...happy to noe? oor sad??...o well...bla bla...not much has happened well i need to reply emails and such xoxoxo luvz!...chow mamacitaz!..
Chillz
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haay y'all....im sad to say that no one has answered my wuestion below in my latest weblog so i chopped my hair off so now it is up above my ears...i think it looksa good i eman its short considering that it is up above my ears it is reali reali short...bieg bieg change...but hey now i dont have to worry about my style of hair rite!!!>...haha...jus jk...ANSWER THE QUESTION OR I WILL JUST CHOP MY HAIR OFF FOR GOOD!!!....by the way the question is ..SHOULD I PERM MY HAIR STRAIGHT OR KEEP IT CURYL???!?!?!?!?!?!>>...okay i was jus put it in caps lock so everyone can read it..grrr...my friend sara when on my account today without asking so now im pissed major at her..o well....i guess not everyone is perfect....well so much to do so little time....well chow mamacitaz!!....xoxoxo
Chillz
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hey y'all!!...someone used my holla bak but o well everyone is just going to have to deal with the fact that im not changing and that you are going to have to change it yourself!!....hehe...so o everyone can tell everyone my site now since everyone doesnt care about the scavernger hunt and broke the rulz..lol..*im such an attention getter..hehe..jk.jk*..well today in science i thought i was going to cry because i started to think about something reali reali sad or atleast made me sad..and then this one girl thought shanghai was in thailand..weird huh...lol..well im getting along great with ever body herr but i still feel a bit..BLA..ya noe?!>..i mean no chori..it sux!..and i didnt talk to sugar cane bcuz im such a chicken that i wimped out
well its scary becasue i have never been like nervous around a guy i guess its because everyon in the states are very judgemental in a weird way..lol...hmm...well notthing reali had happened ecxept that IM SECOND CHAIR IN BAND...hehe...that means im a lot better than like 9 other ppl!!!....*applause*well i emailed a couple of ppl yewsterday i hope they replied..cuz if they didnt then im neva emailin them again..*i wont do that im too sweet*..i have a question
should i perm my hair straight??..or keep it curly????...
plz leave a comment and answer if you pleasse..o and
i need somebody to help me with my eprops and comment boxes thingie....
well then no body loves me everybody hates me i think i must eat worms..so sad so lonely damn that stupid person..*i puposely changed it ppl!!*..well den chow mamacitaz!!...xoxo
Chillz
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haay!!...wewll now i noe that like...so and so people have found my site but i dont exactly know who yet..o well..grrrr i cant change my eprops and comment thingiez..reali bugging me they wont show up i have the script but it wont show up lol...grrr...life is evil in wayz and wayz...well i promised my friend i wouldnt be so hyper, loud, and weird so i have to force my inner self*which is technically my outer self cept the inner self is the inside of me...get it ..no?...then forget it kk!!:)*...newayz..la la la...i noe ppl are so bizzy on the weekdayz..which reminds me that i dont want to go to shool tomoz..cuz of special reasons such as trying to talk to brownie...formally know as sugar cane...and getting my science teset bak..and waking up tomoz.lol..o and guess wut i was watching the matrix last night and then i saw neo'z abs and i said I WANT ABS TOO...so i took out my momz abs slide *mine since she hasnt used it yet* and i did like 40-50 of those and then i did 100 crunchces...lol...im so weird no im not weird im unique YOUR WEIRD!!....hehehe..well school wuz okay...i had geography and we sat and did some stuff...wellness we had a test...language arts we read freak the might preti boring since i allreadi knoe wats going to happen..then in math we did this geomerty packet which was boring..lol..then on the bus i sat and talked to ppl den i walked home and went outside ..talked to my sista..then came inside got on the computer then i went outside for some chicken then i came bak and went bak on the computer then i played on the piano then i went bak on the computer....woah..i think this is tooo TOO boring for you guyz well the important part is that...I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEBODY...lol well
SORA-glad you found my site..lol..i figured since everyone does this ill follow the wind of ppl...hahaha
JP-hi hi!!>...still wondering how you found this site..
well since no1 cares about me i hafta go and cry!!...hahaha...jus jk..welll i must think about a unique goodbye saying..lol...must go work my brainz for a quick second..lol...baibai!!!
Chillz
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hey hey!!!!!!!!!!......well now i noe that 3 ppl..noe my site...so sad..i took dis hearing tes rite..and i failed the first one and den i failed the second one...thats reali reali reali sad..lol..well life jus keeps fuckin wit me everday..but its not that bad anymore..im kinda happy here but i still feel misplaced..is that a bad thing? o well...bla bla..everyone seems so sad...that it makes me sad..well not sad but ya sad..it makes me sad..like last year..everyone seemed happy o well..ppl say 6th graders are annoying this year..lol..were we annoying last year??..hmm something to think about by chillie..lol..well..anywayz..can ppl say hi to anton and niko and tommie..for me!!...dere last name is paavalo..somewthing like that..havent talked to them in a while...lol..funny my dogs loved their backyard bcuz wenever my dogz ran away they always seemedd to go to their bak yard..lol..o well..so hot rite now cuz im wering a jacket but i wuz like cold this morning cuz it wus rainging and i wus standingat the bus stop and i got WET lol..bla bal..well the winds blowin ..xoxoxo!!....luvz..*jus a note plz dont tell ppl my new site cuz i want them to find it themselves!!*...ta ta for now!
Chillz
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